I'll start this post by saying, that if you're going to judge, or come with anything negative, keep it moving.
ANYWHOO...My Granny Faye passed on Oct 18, just 5 days before my 28th birthday. Almost a week after she passed, my bipolar disorder got the best of me even though previously I was happy and stable on meds i'd been on for years. I was grieving hard, making nearly ALL of the funeral preparations, and trying to support my grieving Mama and Pawpaw. My Pdoc (psychiatrist) added a new antipsychotic to my cocktain (grand total of two), and also added Gabapentin 3-4x/day for panic, anxiety, and to help out with my fibromyalgia pain. In all of the stress, my milk had become salty (yes it was, I actually tasted a gulp that I had pumped) and had a bitter aftertaste. She wasn't getting enough to eat, and it was becoming more stressful to worry about nursing her, grieving, planning the funeral, being a shoulder to lean on, and I just cracked. 6 days after Teyla turned 9 months old, I stopped breastfeeding. For good. I had no tenderness since then, no leaking, nothing, but I can still hand express a few drops out. Out of curiosity, I tasted it, and it tasted like tears. Literally. IDK!! I stopped, and to be honest, never looked back. Ok, ok, that's a lie, considering all the trouble and trying, and CRYING, and just...ugh. I did look back, but only in a positive light. She got 9 whole months of the best milk that her mommy could make. Straight from the tap. I tried hard, I really did, and I gave it my all. And I can see now, she benefited from it. And i'm happy. I made this decision, it didn't make me, like it did before. I know this is best. She benefits most from a healthy mama who can be the best that she deserves.
Now comes my dilemma. Hubby and I are thinking of TTC shortly after Teyla turns 2. To breastfeed? Or not to breastfeed? I'm almost discouraged, after the trouble we had trying to BF with Teyla, but at the same time, i'm excited about it. A new start, and I can learn from my mistakes. But i'm not all that excited to hear my mom throw in my face how my BFing Teyla failed, I starved her, etc....ya. Can't deal with that. And I can't shut her out because I love her and my girls love her. She's my mom. I don't know how i'd handle that. I guess i'm sort of wishy washy over it. I'll do more thinking on it and I guess i'll decide then. I'm just happy that Teyla seems to be doing well on food and formula. Shes gaining great (18lbs now! LOL), and shes happy!! Then i'm happy too.