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28 January 2014 @ 12:07 am
Cold...(But I'm Still Here...)  
So it's been a while since I updated. I don't know why I have a paid account, but I just feel like I'd be missing out if I didn't have one?
Anywhoo, Teyla's first birthday was a huge hit. All my besties showed up with their kiddos and they all had a blast.
Due to stress,my tummy is full of bleeding ulcers, BUT, I DID get my referral appointment for my rheumatologist from my PCP like I've been waitng for. Its on Thursday. (GOD the keyboard on my crappy laptop SUCKS I think I need a new laptop, even though this one is less than 2 years old..)
Mark is still an asshole, and my mom is still trying to get me to leave him. I should. It's realy whats best, but its hard when you've been married for nearly 10 years.
Ive had a fibro flare the last 2 days, and before that I really didn't feel like cleaning, sooooo the house looks like a bomb went off with an exception of the bathroom, which I DID clean, and sweep, AND Swiffer. Mark is being abusive mentally and emotioaly about the house not being clean.

Good news though. I'm taking my entire school refund and spendin it on te girls....annnnnndddd I'm buying myself a 2005 Kia Sorento EX!!


I nee help. I don't hve the energy to care for my girls like I should. Every morning we wake up between 8-10AM, I go and give them cereal or waffles for breakfast around 10AM, and then crash on the couch until like, 1PM. I'm tired of this. My girls deserve better. I'm just always in SO much pain and I'm always just SO damned tired.



BTW, I figured it out. It wasn't my keyboard screwing up the other day, it was the visual editor on LJ. Is anyone else having issues with the visual editor when they post directly from the site? I have no idea about this, because I normally use Semagic...
 
 
Current Mood: defeated
 
 
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
teacentralteacentral on January 29th, 2014 01:59 pm (UTC)
I hope you feel better soon. Don't let anybody make you feel bad about yourself when you fall short (of what?) due to being sick. You need to take care of yourself and your beautiful daughters, and yes, cleanliness may be a part of it, but definitely not the first priority. I don't know enough about your marriage to know whether or not you should leave (and even if I did, it's ultimately your decision), but please don't let anybody abuse you. And make sure that either staying or leaving is YOUR wholehearted decision, not your mom's, and not just based on the fact that it's hard to leave (I'm sure it is). You will be in my prayers and I'm here if you need to talk.
h_whungry_worm on March 4th, 2014 03:46 pm (UTC)
(Weirdly I can't see the posting date of this.) Without trying to be too negative, when you already feel like you can't care for your girls as you want to, and have an emotionally abusive husband who apparently can't be bothered to hire a household help for a deep clean weekly to support you, a third baby is not the solution. With another partner, maybe, but it frankly sounds like you're just setting yourself up for more dependence on him and more guilt because then you'll have to divide your strength to cleaning and three kids, and him. If you don't have counseling yet, you should definitely get it before ttc. You have power over your own life, you just need to take charge... with help, if needed.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )